Come, peek from the outside.
It's a perfect world!
A perfect home!
A perfect family of happily married parents!
A perfect only child, good in studies, arts, everything!
This is my world from outside.. but I'm questioning the existence of perfect..
I'm fortunate to be this girl. But with flaws.
My home is not perfect, we have had struggles to make ends meet.
My parents are not perfect, they fought a lot, cried a lot, suffered a lot.
I am not perfect, I tried really hard..
School.. I suffered almost everyday. I am introvert, I could not make friends, I was teased and bullied for the way I sat, ate, walked, talked (as no one actually knew that I could talk), I hung out with the only two girls who would let me, they were best friends and I was so out of place. I hated recess, I hated PT hour, as I was left alone with myself and spent most time in the toilet. I had no friends to come over or stay over during summer holidays. I changed schools and everything on repeat..I never could not talk to boys and most importantly, my crush.
So, I had nothing to do but study. I got good grades, I could draw well, started painting and poetry.. I started dance classes too.. I can sing moderately well but I couldn't take music lessons as I was terrified to sing in front of people. End result - Good, perfect and well behaved student.
College.. Good grades got me into a good college, to pursue every parents' dream - Engineering. But it meant staying away from home, parents, my safe place. It meant staying with 3 other roommates in a dorm. Scary as that thought was to my 17 year old self, I did it.. Although it meant not being able to fit in, being teased, eerily lonely always and crying myself to sleep most nights. I did not quit. Every alternate weekend I traveled 5 hours in train to be back home, my nest. I learned to travel alone, pretend to be brave and busy. The weekend I stayed back in the dorm, it was a nightmare. I read a lot of books (there was no internet back then), overslept lots to avoid people, skipped lunch so I would have to eat alone or went really early so no one sees me eating alone.
But things got better after a year, I got a friend! She was this amazing girl, who joined our classes after a transfer and was completely opposite of me.. She was funny, friendly, extrovert, beautiful, popular.. And she chose me to be her friend. She dug through my shell and found there was a cool person inside it. Someone who was funny, creative, artistic, intelligent, who could listen, comfort, empathize, and also talk incessantly about things that interests them..Yes ME! And, It was not hell anymore.
Higher studies... Four years flew by, and it was time to fly higher..in August, came the Last day of the college life, I missed it, I never thought I would so much. But then it was time to be back home. I didn't have a job offer yet and things at home were the same financially.. Not too great. I tried one job interview but didn't succeed. I was home for 2 months figuring out my next move. Then I decided I want to do masters degree in business. I wrote the entrance exam for a university close to my home so I didn't have to stay away again.. And I got through.. There was a counselling session to choose your stream and subjects, and I didn't get the exact course I wanted (or was popular at that time - MBA). Instead, I got the Master of International Business seat. I was to join in a month and pay the fees in two weeks. End of the two weeks, I decided not to join, I didn't want to burden my parents, I was not happy with the subject, I wanted to work and earn for my course. So I was back on my couch, searching for fresher jobs.
Job Offer... In the two months after, what I felt was a bad decision to drop my masters seat, I attended interview for a technical support job and got selected. It was in a different city, a big and popular metro city which was scary to me. But I did join, first two days were the induction program. My parents came along with me and they tried arranging for my accommodation while I attended the session. I succeeded in making it through the first day but evenings are always scary for me when I am trying new. That evening was especially scary, there was a heavy rain and storm, we were stranded. We finally got to our room but it felt like a sign. I was still in the cocoon and was not ready to fly out. My parents too were scared of how menacing the city looked that day, We went back home the next morning.
Bogus Interview.. Within weeks, I was again applying to jobs. And I got an interview call from a company based in same scary city. So, I traveled with my parents again, the interview was not bad, but they said they would call back. So, on our way back I got the call for a second round. I felt mixed emotions, but mostly optimistic to work this out. But unfortunately I didn't hear from them again.
The public discussion.. In January, after spending 4 months at home without any positive outcome, I wrote an exam for a big corporate job and I was selected. But there was a terrifying second round the next day - the group discussion. I could not fathom how quickly my dreams got shattered. Something which I have always run from is to talk in public. And to utter a word in front of debating young graduates, mauling at each other for a chance to step into luxurious corporate lifestyle was beyond me.. My mother have been always supportive and understanding and she exactly knew how I felt. My father tried to encourage but he knew I was not going to make it. Anyway, I felt the need to go and try and not give up on that moment. So I went with my mother to the hotel where the interview was. I was met with a swarm of talented, smart aspirants, with ready to kill attitudes. I went to the discussion round with 9 other candidates. But as luck could have it, the debate had gotten out of control earlier on, so the format of the discussion was changed to a 2 minute speech, giving everyone a fair share to speak. This was my calling. I was fairly well versed in every topic due to my excessive reading during college days, and was well conversant with good command over the language. It was my time, there was a total silence, I opened my eyes from my prayers, and words took over. I cannot still remember what I spoke, but I could see bit of disappointment in the eyes of others when I looked up after my speech. And I found that it was not disappointment at me but because they lost a spot to the next round.
The Interview.. My mother waited in the lobby with other parents, hoping that I am not the next person coming out. And it was a long wait. After the fierce selection from the GD round ( 75% were not selected ), I scurried through to the next technical round. I was surrounded youngsters reading, revising, mugging up notes. And others like me who didn't have any notes, prayed. The tech round was pretty good as there was only one person in the panel. And then the round with Human resources which confirmed my stamp in the corporate world. When I came out after 5 hours to the lobby, my mother was the happiest. We made it!
P.S The life story will continue in the next blog..
